


why did you leave me

by CastielWinchestr



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Sad, This is really sad, i am PISSED at the russos, sad bucky, stop hurting bucky challenge!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 04:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18613354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielWinchestr/pseuds/CastielWinchestr
Summary: This is right after Endgame so if you havent seen it don't read this.I wanted to write a fic where we see how Bucky feels after what Steve did in Endgame.This is not exactly a fix-it because Steve is still an old man.I just really hate how Endgame ends and I wanted to make it a little better (you'll be the juge of that) even if it's really sad.





	why did you leave me

**Author's Note:**

> so i really suck at summaries. and this fic probably sucks. but holy fuck im so fucking mad at the russos for ending steve's story like that?? wtf?? did they not watch any of the movies?? they made steve super ooc, like steve would never do that. also it creates so many plot holes and like?? im not mad at steve im mad at the russos, steve and peggy deserved better. so yeah we just gonna ignore that the ending happened because the rest of the movie WAS FANTASTIC IT WAS SO GOOD!!
> 
> my bitchass cried while writing this so yea  
> also there are probably a bunch of typos and mistakes cause i didnt want to read it again cause i was gonna cry again

Bucky thought that seeing Steve slowly fall in love with someone that wasn't him was hard. But realizing that his best friend, the man he loved, decided to stay in time and live his life with someone else, hard was not the word he would use to describe that feeling. Heart-wrenching and devastating were better words to use. 

Of course deep down he knew Steve would do that. Bucky didn't know how, but he just knew. Steve has the biggest heart in the entire universe and when he loves someone, he clings to that person forever. Oh, how he wished he was the one Steve's heart clung to. Why didn't Steve cling to _him?_

____

A part of him thinks that it was selfish of Steve to leave all his friends and his family behind to go live with Peggy. But he understands because he would have done the same for Steve. Bucky knows that he should be happy for Steve that he finally got the chance to live the life he deserved because if someone deserved to live a good life it was Steve. But he can't bring himself to be happy for him because he wanted to be in his life, to see him grow old and now he'll never get that.

____

What happened to “til the end of the line” huh, Steve?

____

After everything they had been through Bucky really thought their story could have a happy ending. Together. Wishful thinking only ever leads you to a broken heart. Bucky is starting to learn that after all these years. 

____

Now here Bucky was, a few hours after Steve came back as his older self, sitting on one side of a bed in Steve's room while Steve was soundly sleeping on the other side of the bed. Steve fell asleep while telling him about Peggy and his life and Bucky was trying his best to keep it together and not breakdown crying in front of Steve. Bucky took a shaky breath and started talking in the quiet room. 

____

“I'm only saying this now because you're asleep and I know you're not hearing me. God Steve I- I've kept this bottled up inside me forever and I just- I can't do this anymore.” He looks at Steve making sure he's still asleep before continuing.

____

“I've loved you my whole life Stevie. I've loved you for so long that I don't remember what it feels like not to love you. Since we were just dumb punks in Brooklyn, since before I even knew what love was. It was you, it was always you.” Bucky choked on a sob and wiped off his tears. 

____

“I remembered you before I even remembered myself.“ He said, almost in a whisper. Bucky closed his eyes and let the tears fall freely. 

____

“Buck,” Bucky swallowed and hesitantly looked over at Steve.

____

Steve had tears in his eyes and he was looking at Bucky with so much pity and Bucky had to look away. Steve's wrinkled hand took his. 

____

“How much did you hear?” Bucky asked but Steve didn't answer and he just kept looking at him with that same expression. Steve heard everything. 

____

“I'm so sorry,” Steve with so much emotion and Bucky fucking lost it. He started crying more then he had in years. He put his head in his hands and cried until his body was shaking with sobs. He wanted to scream or punch something. Of course the time he finally confessed his feeling to Steve, unintentionally but still, it would be too late for something to happen. He never had any hope of Steve loving him back but seeing the goddamn pity in his eyes was so much worse. His head was still in his hands when he heard it. It was barely a whisper. 

____

“I love you too.” 

____

Bucky shook his head. He didn't believe Steve, why would he? He _left _him.__

____

____

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“It's true Buck, I do love you.” 

____

____

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_Then why did you leave me? Why didn't you stay with me? _Bucky wanted to scream at him.__

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“What about Peggy?” He didn't know what else to say.

______ _ _

____

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“I loved her too. I love both of you.”

______ _ _

____

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“You still chose her.”

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Maybe in another life they could have had eachother. Maybe if he had told him he loved him earlier he could have had a life with Steve. It's the only thing he had ever wanted. How he wished he could go back in time and just tell him. How ironic is that?Going back in time is what ruined everything for him.

______ _ _

____

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End file.
